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the power of fear

10/29/2014

With Halloween approaching, I thought a blog on fear might be appropriate as a subject for us.
The "more-popular-than-ever" holiday of Halloween offers the yearly opportunity to dispel fear with fun. The costumes, the decorations, the food are all intended to make the horrifying safe and not-so-scary. Martha Stewart has even made Halloween "tasteful" with her extensive line of Halloween decor and her amazing Halloween issue featuring her awesome costumes and clever, artistic pumpkin carvings. Great, but what do we do with fear the other 364 days of the year? In a time of Ebola outbreaks and school shootings and ISIS, how do we live in equanimity and not let fear rule our lives?

We need to start by examining the good and bad influences that fear can have on our behavior and choices. Some fears are well-founded and best if respected. So, for example, if you cannot swim (which I couldn't for many, many years) a fear of water is justified. Even now I would not challenge my abilities in the water in any way.

Some fears are primal and instinctive. I fear snakes and have a visceral reaction if one crosses my path while walking. I can argue it away logically but it doesn't change my gut feeling. I could desensitize myself to them, but that would have to be a slow, slow, deliberate process (if done too quickly, the therapy can have the opposite effect). By the way, many people have either a primal fear of snakes or spiders and thus this may be buried deep into our genetic codes.

Some fears are built out of childhood, or an experience of the past. (I avoided meatloaf for years as a kid because I'd gotten sick one night after dinner and meatloaf had been the main course). Some fears are crafted out of years of insecurity and thus you may think you aren't smart enough, or pretty enough, or even lucky enough. You may even hide your proverbial light under a bushel for fear of putting it out there and seeing it quickly dim.

Some fears are based on the state of the world. Everything seems too desperate, there is too much despair, and violence, and hardship, and forces that are way beyond our control. The weight of the world and its troubles can become overwhelming and make you fearful to experience what our world has to offer.

But can we flip all of this on its head? I just finished a book by Neil Gaimon, Neverwhere. The tale centers on Richard Mayhew, a modern-day financial advisor, living a pretty ho-hum, pathetic life, who stumbles upon a waif of a woman bleeding in the streets of London. He takes her back to his flat to care for her and then finds himself catapulted into a different world and time, the Victorian-era "London Below" created out of the sewers and tunnel lines of the city. He finds life there an endless challenge as he encounters strange people who have pieced together an existence from the detritus of life above. Sleep, warmth, food, shelter and safety are luxuries not "givens" and it all proves enormously trying for this modern man. However, despite the difficulties, Richard finds himself truly alive, finally "growing up," and ultimately bored with the reality of a life lived too easily.

So what can we take away from this? How about confronting fear, examining it, accepting that which is useful and discarding that which is not?

List your fears, from the big ones (perhaps death) to the seemingly trivial (a fear of escalators, for example).
Go through the list and scratch off those fears that are either far-fetched or truly inconsequential in terms of their impact on your life.
Go through the list and scratch off those things over which you have no control (like tornadoes).
What are you left with? Are these fears that could be dispelled with some planning? (So, if you fear your car is going to conk out, can you start putting away some money each month to buy another one when it does?) Take control.
Can some of your fears be lessened with positive affirmations? Yes, I know, a bit Stuart Small (for old SNL fans) but what does it hurt to tell yourself that you are a pretty awesome person with the capacity to live happily and to contribute to this world?
Can some larger fears be mitigated simply by not following the news so closely? What good does it do you to know every terrible thing going on around the globe?

Finally, recognize that fear is a primal emotion that allows us to know when we are under threat. "Flight or fight" is literally built into our anatomies and psyches. Adrenaline is a protective hormone that allows us to act on fear quickly (outrun that dinosaur). Leave primal fear there--it's exactly where it belongs. Get rid of the constructed fears. They should not be allowed to stop us from pursuing our dreams, or experiencing love, or loving ourselves. Getting needless fear out of your future (it truly is a projectionist emotion isn't it?) allows you to live in the present, fully and fearlessly. Let Halloween be the holiday where you treat useless fear as the trickster it is. Face it, confront it, laugh at it and move on to a November filled with gratitude and living in the moment.

Artfully yours--Lisabeth

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The power of pink

10/21/2014

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October is Breast Cancer Awareness month and pink has become all the rage in recent years as companies, sports franchises, politicians and public figures have learned how to use the issue of breast cancer as a marketing tool, a public relations ploy, and a platform. This isn't all bad, because it does keep us more engaged and focused on the seriousness of this disease. However, no one should think that simply pinning a pink ribbon to their coat will cure cancer. What is required is knowledge, research, the pursuit of healthy lifestyles that discourage the growth of cancer, and a medical system that facilitates patient understanding and healing.

This October means more to me than usual. Last year, a lump showed up in my mammogram. Actually, to be more accurate, the lump had shown up in the films from the year before but wasn't picked up by the radiologist. Looking at the comparative films now, the spot seems pretty easy to see, but perhaps that is hindsight talking. Once I found out that I had a lump, I needed to set up further tests. I went to the breast health center at a local hospital--keep in mind that this is a facility meant specifically for dealing with diagnostic tests and treatment--for more mammography. While I appreciate that this facility has the equipment, and professionals, necessary for dealing with breast health (and ultimately that is what is most important), I have to wonder about who designs these places. Every medical facility seems engineered for discomfort and dis-ease. You sit in stiff chairs, thumb your way through trashy magazines that have seen better days, and all the while have dimwitted talk shows blasting at you from mounted flatscreens.

After spending an afternoon shivering in a flimsy hospital gown and having further films done, I came to the conclusion that the lump would need to be biopsied. And I, ME--not my doctor or the radiologist--had to come to that conclusion. The amount of information I received from the experts was terrifyingly vague and terminology impenetrable. I was essentially told I could have biopsy, or not. Well, why wouldn't I? Well, because some people don't want to. Oh, and that helps me how? All I got were blank looks and slightly shrugged shoulders. I set up the appointment and waited nervously for the day of the test.

The biopsy was not the worst procedure, but it wasn't great. There wasn't pain, but lots of pressure as they made their way over to the lump. Then they extracted bits of it (there is a lot of pressure and a sound that resembles a nail gun). Here's what I remember: feeling both invaded (by the procedure, not the individuals) and annoyed by the music that was playing, an odd array of old rock/dance hits. So I'm having a biopsy while listening to the B-52's (the absurdity of it all). Oh, and before any of this happened I had to arrange payment for whatever wouldn't be covered by insurance. I was presented with a bill for several hundred dollars and was told that if I paid that day with credit card 30% would be taken off the cost. I handed over my plastic, because as horrifying as it all was the thought of paying $250 more than I had to was even worse. I couldn't help but think about those who don't have that option either not having the money or the credit card.

Our medical system does a good job of providing patients with tests, procedures, operations and drugs. What our system doesn't offer is a calming, nurturing and healing environment that puts patients at ease and helps them emotionally on the road to understanding what is happening, to making decisions based on that information and to getting well. After I had my biopsy, I was told to wait in a back hallway. It was cold, but blissfully quiet. A nurse came by later and apologized to me for having to put me in an area where there was no television. I told her I vastly preferred it--she looked at me as if I were an alien. The results came back benign, but I have to go back for a six-month screening in November and I'm not looking forward to it (though you can bet I'll be taking my own reading material).

The combination of a frenetic and uncomfortable environment, and unwillingness on the part of practitioners to be clear and compassionate in their explanations and to provide counsel, the cost of healthcare and illness, and the physical and mental stress of it all is a prescription for disaster. We ought to be able to do better. My daughter, in her quest to watch all of Robin Williams' films, was watching "Patch Adams" recently. I find the film a little sappy, but I take to heart the message of designing a system prepared to heal people. I see no reason why the American medical system cannot provide better overall comfort and care to its users. Here's what I see as a start:

Emailed links sent to a patient about a procedure/test they will be having so that they can learn about it immediately and not rely on their own research. The problem with looking for medical information on your own is that you are likely to see conflicting information, misinformation, horror stories and someone who wants to tell you that colloidal silver cures everything. What people need is quick, thorough, balanced and reliable information.
Waiting rooms that are clean, comfortable, pleasant and nurturing. Soothing color schemes, chairs that one can sit in for long periods of time (as you often do), soft calming music, a nice selection of teas, real mugs (as opposed to bad coffee, powdered creamer and styrofoam cups). And how about some edifying distraction? If the television must be going, then why not have something like "The Blue Planet" playing? Or any historical series by Ken Burns? Or Julia Childs' "French Chef" series? Why not magazines like Smithsonian, or National Geographic, or Cooks Illustrated, or garden magazines? How about sets of specialty encyclopedias? Books on botany, or architecture, or art history?
Practitioners who understand that all possibilities of sickness are stressful to the patient and that a patient feels vulnerable in this situation.
Doctors who introduce themselves with their first and last names, not as "Dr. So-and So". Instead, how about something like, "I'm Jim Burton and I'll be helping to take care of you."
Hospitals and facilities that take care of their workers! Stop allowing medical companies to bring "goodies" to medical offices. Overhaul the dining options, provide healthful food to employees, give them opportunities to move, work out, provide incentives for healthy lifestyles.
Caring follow-up. How about a card saying "we hope you are doing well, and we'll see you again for a check-up on . . . ". Or, "we're going to do our best to see you through this."

Our system can be designed better so as to render more favorable results. I know, my ideas are idealistic--but what is more important that providing good healthcare and education for everyone? Truly, we can do much more than we've done. As consumers of the system, we need to be less passive and more active in being educated about our health and asking for a system that helps on a number of levels in the healing process. This isn't about technology or advances, it's about engineering a system built for success with caring at its core. I'm hoping we can use the power of "pink" to direct research at areas that need better investigation (women's health too often has been ignored) and to demand more holistic care that borrows the best practices from standard modern medicine, historical alternative medicine, and the latest technological advances.

I'll end by dedicating all that I've written to my high school friend, Audrey Chapman, who died at the age of 42 from breast cancer. She was a kind and compassionate person and I hope that someone along her medical journey provided her the same care she showed for others.

Artfully yours, Lisabeth

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retreat and reconnect

10/10/2014

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Each year I attend a weekend yoga retreat, organized by one of my yoga mentors, at a local camp. I look forward to this retreat enormously as I know that it is an opportunity to step away from the craziness of day-to-day living and working. I can spend time thinking about where I am at in my life, and thankfully, my husband has joined me in this weekend for the past eight years as well. Sharing this special time of study and reflection has deepened our connection to one another and offered us the chance to define what is important to us.

The camp consists of 500 acres of woodlands and rolling hills, three lodges, and a dining hall. The spaces are warm and comforting though not at all luxurious. We meet in an octagonal room with glass doors that open onto a deck with the woods for our view. A large fireplace sits at the back of the room. I love when it is cool enough (which it was last weekend) to have a fire crackling in the background while we meditate, practice yoga, learn new things, listen to music and talk with one another. The staff clearly cares about this place and acts as stewards of the land. They serve us wonderful wholesome vegetarian food and we look forward to the local salad greens on the buffet, and the property's own maple syrup for our buckwheat pancakes.

The camp has no television sets or computers and most people are good about not overusing their cell phones. To "retreat" means to pull back, to come out of the fray. The supportive environment really allows one to rest and reflect, to go within and examine your "state of affairs."

This year's theme was Native American traditions. We ate squashes and corn, learned about Native American flutes, and had a shaman perform a welcoming spirit ceremony (a ritual that should be performed in your teens years to welcome your soul into the world and set it on the path of its life's work). We even smoked a ritual pipe (tobacco). However, the most provocative part for me was receiving the Native Code of Ethics.

The code reflects a need to honor the natural world and to respect one another. There is a clear call for compassion for all those who walk this earth. It is uncompromising and difficult. It requires positivity and selflessness. In other words, it is tough work. If you think about what has happened to native populations in the Americas in the past 500 years, it is ironic and sad that people who embodied respect and caring for one's fellow creatures should be treated so brutally. There is a wealth of knowledge to be gained from these cultures (there is no "one" Native American culture but rather a kaleidescope of tribal variations) and a need to reclaim the beauty of this land. The shaman who spoke to us asked us to consider "indigenizing" the spiritual awakening that so many are heeding a call for--in other words, craft a new culture that incorporates the wisdom, accomplishment and majesty of those who came before European contact and colonization, and those who have made their home here. So, here are my thoughts on "going native":

Eat Native: corn, squashes, tomatoes, beans, peppers, maple syrup, blueberries, and cranberries are just a few products. Enjoy the bounty of autumn and the native plants of the Americas. http://www.npr.org/blogs/thesalt/2014/10/07/354053768/the-sioux-chef-is-putting-pre-colonization-food-back-on-the-menu
Walk Softly: hike through the woods trying to tread lightly and quietly. Carry that quietude into your interactions with others.
Respect others, even if they are difficult. They are lost souls.
Think positive and don't gossip (boy, this can be a tough one). Examine your speaking habits and think about how someone observing you, without your knowledge, would judge you.
Be honest: Appraise what you want in life and determine if you are being greedy or petty. Be honest with others and yourself.
Be balanced. In body, mind, spirit and in all that you endeavor to do. You need not go away to retreat. You can have a "timeout" in your own home to address your need for balance and contemplation.

I'm going to post the Native American Code of Ethics in my home and office and think about how I can modify my behavior to fall more into line with these edicts (see link below). It is good for us to retreat and reexamine our lives and values from time to time. As the shaman said in our welcoming ceremony, "You were born to fill a purpose, but then you forgot why you were here." We all forget, get sidetracked, get lost from time to time. It is good to be reminded to get back onto the path of a journey of enlightenment. And it is good to be reminded of the wisdom that walked the earth before us, and still walks among us.

http://www.nativevillage.org/Inspiration-
/native_american_code_of_ethics__.htm

Aho (Amen) -- Lisabeth

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the power of fear

The power of pink

retreat and reconnect

Lisabeth Robinson

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